50 Ways To Leave Your Lover

Remember Paul Simon’s song? Very catchy tune, but it didn’t teach us any new tricks. Even when you’re old enough to know better, slipping out the back door or hopping on a bus are hardly cleaver solutions. Just how many ways can you name to leave your lover? Countless, I’m sure. We’ve all done it. For example, I don’t break up at night. Darkness, silence, and big empty beds are an awful combination. When possible, I do it just before a trip. The change of scenery helps. Obviously, the most effective remedy is a new love interest. That can cure you faster than anything else.

Second best? Chocolate. See someone who reminds you of your ex? Pop a truffle into your mouth. Have to share custody of your pet with an ex? Try a pecan turtle. Soon you’ll gain a few pounds, your clothes will feel too tights and uncomfortable, and you’ll need to get new clothes or go on a diet. Either way, you’ll be too busy to think about your ex. And while you’re shopping for clothes or signing up at a new gym to lose weight you’ll meet new people: they know nothing about your ex. Keep it that way. Just tell them you’re addicted to chocolate. And if you really don’t have a clue on how to leave your lover…send me a note, I’ll share my list with you, but not my chocolate.

4 Responses so far.

  1. Jeannie says:

    There is a reason I buy chocolate in bulk (seriously, I buy sugar free chocolate online directly from the Russell Stover factory in Tennessee and get it case lots to avoid paying shipping).

  2. I don’t buy from factories, but yes, like you, we always have chocolate available.

  3. I tend to just eat a teaspoon of Nutella, it satisfies my cravings.