When Size Matters

maria Maria's Blog

First, let me say that this is not about physical attributes.  

Continue reading at your own risk of annoyance because this blog is all about…drum roll please…toilet paper. 

Yes, the lowly toilet paper. We don’t talk about it, we don’t think about it until we run out of it. One of the best examples is perhaps that French commercial about a tablet and Emma. Oh, and Emma’s husband.

I remember years and years ago, after my mom’s first visit to the states someone asked her if there was one thing she would like to take home, she smiled and fighting her embarrassment said, “toilet paper.” And for good reasons, back then Italian toilet paper felt like sandpaper. These days is much improved, but yes, my mom loved American toilet paper.

Fast forward. I’m in a grocery store looking at the various brands of toilet paper. I have a favorite one, but this week I clipped a discount coupon. Decisions, decisions. I’m expecting company for a week or so, I want to make sure I stock up. Nothing more embarrassing than having a guest looking for toilet paper in the middle of the night.

The discount coupon is for Scott Extra Soft, Mega rolls.

Mega Rolls? What the heck is that? The wrapping spells it out. 4 rolls in 1,528 sheets per roll. That’s a lot of toilet paper. So, by buying a package of this Scott Mega Rolls, it may look like 8 rolls but in reality it equals 32 regular rolls. WOW!!! 32 rolls in such easily manageable package. And a discount coupon to boost. What’s there not to love? In the cart it goes.  

I hear this shy voice, “Excuse me, lady, excuse me..are you sure you want to buy that?”

The voice belongs to this little old woman who was checking out brands just like I was. Maybe she knows something I don’t know? “Huh, yes, actually it seems like a good deal.”

“It is. Well, it could be. It all depends, you know…”

“No, I don’t know. What is? It’s not one ply, is it? I hate that.”

“It is, but that’s not the problem. The one ply in this case is thicker than 2 ply in most brands. No, it’s not the quality, it’s the size.”

“The size? I’m confused. The size seems to be their selling point, so…”

She kept shaking her head and avoided looking at me, then she came closer and lower her voice even more. Now she was whispering…“It doesn’t fit.”

I’m staring at her. My eyes must be the size of espresso saucers. What is she talking about? She’s almost whispering in my ear..”The rolls are too big for the paper holder. My bathroom is old, as I am. The old fashion toilet paper holders don’t have enough room to accommodate this size roll. I’m forced to keep it on top of the tank, it’s hard to twist around every time you need a sheet of toilet paper. I live alone, they’ll last me for years…”

Who knew? Of all the things to worry about the size of a toilet paper roll would have never entered my mind.

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  1. I keep my spare “important papers” in the linen closet in my bathroom and replenish the supply when it starts to get a bit low to avoid running out (a fate worse than death since I don’t keep a supply of corn cobs—now that stuff is sandpaper!—piled by the toilet). Since paper doesn’t have an expiration date, I don’t bother to rotate my stock like I do food.

    Once, recently, my backup supply ran lower than usual and I wound up pulling out a roll that was God only knows how many years old. It was a full 1/2″ wider than the newer rolls had been. Toilet paper is yet another victim of corporate downsizing to disguise price increases.

    With the trend in making the rolls larger in diameter to add more sheets, one would think they would also make the rolls wider, too, if only to cover us “blessed” with more ample assets. (Btw, my toilet paper holder will easily accommodate the Mega Rolls.)

  2. OMG!!! I spit out my coffee. Your comment is by far more entertaining than my blog. Must post on FB…haven’t made it to FB yet..long morning. Thank you so much for your comment…

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